Aug 4th, 2024 Sunday Sunny
I generally love games, as I find them engaging and intriguing. I have even received quite a few life lessons from games – the game mechanics and reward structure helped me realize important things that I had overlooked before. While most friends will not describe me as a “serious gamer” like those who seem to memorize the nitty gritty details of the entire dungeons & dragons universe, I consider myself well-versed in a lot of modern board games, across genres and styles.
Given this background, what I have to share now is a bit embarrassing: I am a BIG sore loser, possibly the sorest (?) you have ever met.
That is not to say that I would immediately throw a tantrum if I did not win in any competitive games, especially if I were playing with friends. I understand social decorums, and I certainly do not want to ruin the experience simply because I did not have a great time (usually the winner had a better time than others, but not always). My displeasure is often suppressed, left to ruminate in my mind, and depending upon the severity, may torture me through the night.
To avoid having the above reactions, I apply two strategies: either to stay away from competitive games at game parties altogether, or to thoroughly psychologically prepare myself beforehand if participating in such games seems inevitable. I would tell myself over and over again, “just do not think about the outcome and focus on the process” or “I will probably lose because it is my first time playing this, and that is okay – do not be a weirdo here”. These sorts of psychological hints have been successful in regulating myself, yet they also dampen the fun.
My sore-loser propensity is more apparent with my husband, since no suppression would seem necessary here. During the early years of our dating, we banned several games one after another (e.g. monopoly) following one highly emotional storm of me. I am somewhat amazed that none of our dinnerware has become the victim of my anger yet.
Of course, now that my husband knows better, he would have a second thought about proposing any game that he could foresee might be a trigger of a domestic battle (to be fair, it was rarely a battle, which implies fighting back and forth; most of the time I was venting my unhappiness while my husband tried to offer consolation and stay safe). This is why, as of now, cooperative games take up most of our game shelf space.
Nevertheless, as I start to reflect more, I recognize the deeper reason for this childish characteristic. It is fear of losing, or fear of failing, that prevents me from trying. Simply put, if I do not even attempt it, I cannot fail, right?
Sure, but I also cannot win. Moreover, I cannot learn and grow if I do not take a chance.
Many “smart” gamers that I have witnessed have something in common – they genuinely have fun from simply playing a good game, regardless of the result. They invest the effort to reach for victory, but they never seem to be upset even if they do not end up taking the laurel. Rather, they would then analyze their own play and decide what they will do differently next time. This open and growth mindset is truly inspiring.
So from now on, I will make it a self-challenge to think more like them. Perhaps in the future, I will be one of them 🙂
After all, the real enjoyment of game is in the course of playing, not counting points at the end.