Jun 23rd, 2024 Sunday Sunny
Recently I had to leave my job, for good.
Ever since the news has been shared with others, all the people including my (former) colleagues, students, and friends, showed a lot of concern for me. “How are you doing?” they asked. “Let me know if there is anything I can help.” they said. While some may be all politeness, I believe some are out of sincere kindness and care for me.
“I am fine.” I told them, with a genuine smile.
People were generally amazed by how calmly and graciously I took the situation. The repeated inquiries about my wellness weeks or even months later seem to suggest that I am not supposed to be okay. If I say so, then I must be pretending or denying. It is as if people were expecting to see me unhappy.
The truth is, while I cannot claim that I feel delighted in this drastic change in my work, I am far from suffering. I enjoy an active and healthy social life, I have a sweet family with two adorable kittens to love, and I find joy in many things besides work. Now that I will have the luxury of managing my own time during the day, I plan to fill them with what I truly want to do, and what I find meaningful.
I realize why there is a mismatch between the perspective of myself and that of those around me. They only see ONE story of my life – the story of one job, not even the story of my career. From their view, this story has a sad ending, so the protagonist (i.e. me) should be crying, or pounding my fists, or depressed.
The reality is, life is more than one story. Sometimes one comedy is followed by a tragedy, then another highlight, then some misfortune, and so on. Sometimes there are multiple plot lines, each interacting with others yet remaining relatively independent. It is not uncommon to see a very successful businessman whose relationship is a mess, or a stellar student/scholar struggling to start/maintain a harmonious family. Life of a living human can rarely be summarized as a simple “good” or “bad”.
Of course, as observers of my life, most people only get to see one story. My former colleagues knew nothing beyond the professional face I have put on in the office – many of them have not even read my resume, and to think that all my work history and aspiration can be condensed to a two-page resume is almost laughable. My students and friends, with whom I try to be as open as possible, certainly know more about me, yet no one captures the whole picture. If my life were a book, they have selectively read a few random excerpts here and there. In the latest excerpt they skimmed through, I need to move away from my job.
Because my life is a composite, the sudden twist in one story does not paint the whole chapter dark. There are plenty of bright colors that continue to make this artwork beautiful. At most, one page has a few brown spots different from the spring hues characteristic of me, but who knows what is on the next page? After all, life keeps moving on, and it is pointless to dwell on the past.
What is more, the brown spots on this page, seen from another angle, may be blessing in disguise. Just like this intertwined crotchet piece from my husband (intended as a scratcher pad for the kitties, though they prefer the chair itself), the complex pattern created by the color mixture has produced a unique melange, that each stitch is charming in its own way.