Sep 23rd, 2023 Saturday Sunny
Have you heard about “the circle of control”?
This idea draws on the fact that all people, as part of the society, are impacted by various things that happen in the world, but also can make a difference in a number of things. This model includes three circles: the circle of concern is made of anything that affects us yet we cannot control at all, e.g. inflation rate, natural disasters, policy/regulations that we do not have a say on. We need to pay attention to this circle to be prepared for what is to come, and should waste little breath on trying to alter these external events. After all, the best we can do is to cope with them.
The second circle is the circle of influence, which consists of everything that we have a bit of power to change, but cannot fully govern. Interpersonal relationship might be a good example – certainly how we behave towards others is mostly determined by us, yet we cannot dictate how the other people react. We might show a few friendly gestures and receive no reciprocation, or we may win tokens of kindness without doing anything special. The contents of this circle are very interesting and often fluid – they may move in and out of this circle as circumstances evolve.
The third one, the circle of control, is fully within our hands. This circle gives me the highest sense of efficacy, because what I do or how I do it is directly linked to the outcome. For me, baking most of the desserts (except for certain cakes, or anything with egg white) lies within this circle, since I am confident that most of goodies will turn out nicely, just as I expected 😛
I think the best way to balance one’s effort and expectation is to focus most attention on things in the circle of control, try one’s best with adjusted expectation for things in the circle of influence, and be aware of the occurrences in the circle of concern. We all have limited energy to carry through life, and the more we use the energy on issues whose results we cannot decide, the less we have left for tasks that we are completely capable of accomplishing. For me, the feeling of having achieved something through my own hard work is an important source of happiness – it makes the endeavor worthwhile. Trailing day by day without seeing any meaningful product of one’s action is exhausting.
Sometimes, the problem is a confusion over whether something belongs in the circle of control. If we perceive a matter to be in the circle of control, so we strive to manage it on our own, but it turns out to be in the circle of influence – we would undoubtedly be disappointed, and we may blame ourselves for our inability to bring out the desired ending.
This arises often at work, especially in a job that involves lots of interaction and collaboration with different colleagues, units, and partners. Every now and then, I get frustrated, because I invested too much into the affairs actually in the circle of influence, mistakenly thinking that they are in my circle of control. It is probably wise to take a step back, and let go.
Our kitty, Lyn, has mastered this philosophy. She never seems to be upset about anything, because she accurately identifies the components in each circle and handles them accordingly.
Going to the vet and receiving a vaccine? That is certainly in the circle of concern. She learns to accept and tolerate it, with only a few whiny meows. Getting hungry and dinner is not served? Circle of influence for sure. She sits where her food plate usually appears and stare at us with a pleading gaze, patiently waiting until Mom (or Dad) realizes it is her dinnertime 🙂
What is in her circle of control? “When on Daddy’s lap, I purr!” 😀