Jan 17th, 2026 Saturday Snowy
I was fortunate to have a very caring advisor in graduate school.
She not only devoted lots of time in guiding me academically, but also taught me many lessons about interpersonal relationship, how to fit in the culture, and other general tips of life.
Towards the end of one semester, I happened to have received the invitation to interview for a faculty position. She was genuinely excited for me, and to a certain degree, more anxious than me. She made sure I had all the support while I was preparing, and even sought out advice from other trusted fellow professors, on my behalf, about numerous details (including clothing, makeup, purse and portfolio to carry).
She was about to exempt me from attending the last lab meeting, which was usually a celebration of the accomplishment achieved throughout the term, when I asked, out of habit, what home-baked desserts I should bring (I have been doing this since I started in her lab).
She was shocked, “you still have time to bake when you have so much going on?”
Of course. I still need to eat however busy I am. I responded positively.
With a little worried look, she said, “while I appreciate the tasty treats you offer, and I’m sure the rest of the lab does too, I don’t want to add more stress to your life, especially right now.”
I smiled, “but baking is relaxing to me. It helps me to clear my mind, think things through, and create something yummy at the same time.”
She was utterly surprised, which in turn surprised me – “wow! That’s hard to imagine. Every time I bake, I feel stressed out.”
At that moment, it suddenly occurred to me that this difference in feeling – some people find certain activity relaxing while others find the opposite – might be universal. There is nothing absolutely relaxing.
For one of my best friends, running is relaxing – he focuses on breathing and the scenery, and let his legs carry him towards the destination. For me, the thought alone is enough to make me tired. Likewise, I enjoy playing music, be it piano or singing (I would love to learn more instruments someday), and the moment I enter the world of music, the daily hassles melt away. My husband, in contrast, once told me that he need great willpower to persist in practicing the violin regularly, because it felt like work for him. Needless to say, he only does it when he cannot come up with a good excuse not to 😛
I start to realize that the same thing could be either relaxing or taxing, and it depends on how you approach it.
I do remember some instances when I was actually fairly tense while baking. In those cases, the recipe was unfamiliar/challenging, with high chances of failure, AND I was under time pressure to get it done. This setup meant I must be productive in every minute. Risks were high (if results were not good, my time was wasted with no reward – and I still had to figure out what to deliver).
On the other hand, when I made these masala macaroons, I was confident they would turn out, and in the worst scenario, my forgiving friends would happily devour whatever I provided. So I was almost in a trance while my hands finished the task.
Perhaps what relaxes us is not what we do, but the frame of mind we are in.