Haircut

Apr 18^th, 2025 Friday Cloudy

I have uneasiness about getting a haircut.

As a child, I was not allowed to have a say about my hairstyle, until college. My mom did all my haircut – she is by no means trained as a barber, but my frugal dad would not want to “waste money on vanity”, so my mom took the role to cut the hair for all my family, on the condition that no one is to complain afterwards.

To be fair, my mom did a reasonably good job, especially considering that she taught herself. She eventually bought more tools for thinning, layering, point cutting, etc. Still, getting a haircut is a big deal – it is a lot of work, hence would be put off until it is absolutely necessary.

As far as I can remember, my dad has never altered his hairstyle, maybe because he has no desire of trying something new, thus my mom has no incentive to trouble herself about learning to do another cut. To me, it seems that after a “haircut”, I could not see any difference in the image of dad at all.

Unlike me.

Since girls tend to have more liberty with their hair, my mom would trim it to the length so I could let it down (or rather, I had to because they were not long enough to tie into a tail) for a few weeks without getting reprimanded at school (there were strict rules in many middle/high schools about girls’ appearances). Then I started to make pony tails, braids, any style to keep my hair manageable and neat. At a certain point, even with the most compact buns, I would feel “my head too heavy”, and my dad would frown upon the time and the shampoo I need for washing my hair, that was when a haircut was called upon.

Due to this extended cycle, anyone would notice a drastic variation in my look following the haircut. It is nerve-wracking: what if my mom messed up?

This sentiment did not disappear once I entered adulthood and went to hair salons. Although the professionals probably had better skills, there is always the risk that some miscommunication could occur, or some discrepancy in aesthetics naturally exists, such that the result on my head ended up not matching my imagination. Sadly, most of the time, by then nothing could be done because short hair could not be lengthened to fit a specific shape. I had no choice but wait for them to grow, and try again in a year or so.

Nowadays, service can be a bit pricey, particularly if done regularly (e.g. a hair trim every two months to maintain an optimal condition), therefore I continued the same practice – roughly one trip to the salon every eighteen months. This did not alleviate my “haircut anxiety”.

Fortunately, I have learned to reflect on and disentangle it.

I realize that it is rooted in my fear of change, and I am afraid to meet the unknown. At the same time, I have underestimated my own capacity to adjust and pivot, despite the fact that I have successfully done so hundreds of times. Even after a not so satisfactory haircut, my downcast mood dissipated in a couple of days, and I always came up with new ways of dressing up my head to make myself presentable, without exception 😛

This awareness is a source of courage, inspiring me to be brave. Whatever is in store, I will face it.