Besties

Jul 28th, 2024 Sunday Cloudy

Yuuki and Sesame, our two sweet kittens, are the best examples of besties. While watching them grow up together, from complete strangers to the adorable buddies they are today, I have learned what it means to be a true friend.

The first sign is to do fun things together. Translated into cat language, this implies causing trouble together 😅 I am convinced that these two have set up multiple plans to sneak into our bedrooms. Sometimes, Sesame, the unbelievably quick runner, would squeeze into the door just before I close it, then goes hiding under the bed. By the time I coax him out and hold him in my arm, ready to carry him out – the moment I turn the door handle, Yuuki, obviously well-prepared for a while, would dash in in a blink of the eye. The same process would then have to be repeated with Yuuki inside and Sesame outside, until they both get enough fun out of this chase game. Now it is time to snuggle together in the box.

This (shared fun adventure, from their perspective) might be the key and foundation to build any relationship, but it is particularly essential to make friends as adults. After all, adults are much less likely to have many opportunities for shared experiences (unlike kids or college students who can naturally study together due to being enrolled in the same class). So making an effort to create fun memories together is the first step towards friendship.

The second sign, ostensibly contradicting the first one, is to give each other space. Even though Sesame is relatively clingy, he often spends most of the day lounging in various spots by himself. Likewise, Yuuki often claims the cat bed, or the cat tree hole, to herself. While they usually stay within view of each other, they can easily maintain a distance so that they feel undisturbed in their solitary slumber, meanwhile safe in the company of their sibling.

Honestly, this simply happens with human adults, because everyone is busy with their own life. The trick is to keep some regular contact, or schedule some “catch-up” dates every now and then. That way, our friends know we are with them even if we are not hanging around day after day.

The third and most important rule for friendship is open, timely, and clear communication.

Since this was our first time adopting kittens, we were so shocked to see them play fight, that we became concerned: should we intervene? Should we tell them be nice to each other (not that they will understand the language)? Or should we just let them be and they will sort out in their own way? As it turned out, we went with the last option, which was critical in fostering their trust of each other, and their ability to set boundaries and give feedback. Whenever Sesame played a little too rough, Yuuki would let out a “meow” (sounds more like a yelp) and use her paw to gently “smack” her younger brother “don’t do that!” And when Yuuki was being too playful with Sesame’s constantly wagging tail (I guess he sometimes does this out of boredom), Sesame would send her a kick as a warning. So far, neither of them have been injured in any way, despite the seemingly intense fights.

The kitties have no trouble communicating “no” when needed. Yet many adults find it challenging, especially with friends or significant others, for the fear of hurting the feelings of the other person. However, if a friend did something that offended me and I do not tell him/her, how would s/he figure that out and learn not to do it again next time? Saying “no” is actually doing service to our friends, saving them the hard work to speculate our minds, desires, and interests.

If we could have the sincerity and softness of kitties, perhaps having adult besties would not be an impossible dream?