Dec 18th, 2023 Monday Windy and cold
For my current job, I have the pleasure of working closely with some very talented students. To get to know them better, I ask a question of the day at each of the weekly meetings. These are not the typical “icebreakers” – some can be quite quirky and challenging.
To even the score, at the last weekly meeting of the semester, I allow each of my students to ask me a question, which I must answer unless it is obviously unreasonable. This usually results in some engaging and profound conversations.
One of the questions I received was, “what is your favorite experience in life that you recommend that everyone should try?”
I have to admit, much as I appreciate the intent behind this question, I do not like it. First of all, people have so many distinct dispositions, preferences, and styles, that no two persons are completely alike. While I have had numerous wonderful experiences that I would be happy to share, those are valuable moments for ME, precisely because of my personality and life paths taken. Who am I to dictate that an activity I found precious must be equally inspiring for another person, whose life stories might be drastically different from mine? Should I recommend the breathtaking precipice hike in Acadia to someone with acrophobia? Should I recommend savoring the mushroom hot pot, a local specialty in Yunnan province in southwestern China, where hundreds of mushroom species grow (most of them can only be found seasonably in this area), to someone who absolutely hates the texture of any fungi?
In addition, the word “favorite” makes me uncomfortable, because it implies comparison and judgment. If I were to be factually correct, I can only have ONE favorite experience/activity, out of the decades of time I have spent on this planet. I must love it so much that I keep doing it over and over again, and all the other moments of life eclipse in its shadow.
College students like to ask this question, either to collect ideas for “the coolest things to do in life” and add to their bucket lists, or to feel that they have figured out another adult by listening to the epitome of his/her life. The truth is, if I live my life to the fullest, there should be countless moments to cherish and reflect upon, even in a week, let alone several decades. How could it be possible to fit that into a few sentences?
I like variety. I like exploring new realms. However much I enjoy one thing, I know that the second time I do it, I would not feel the same level of sensation in my heart, unless a variation has ‘upgraded’ the experience. Fixing on a favorite spot/store and going back multiple times, making it almost like a routine, does not interest or excite me. As a result, I hate to contrast the bondi beach in Sydney with the synchronized fireflies in Smoky mountains, or the flaming rooftop of Kinkakuji in Kyoto with the historic Qutub Minar in Delhi – how can I have a favorite?
A happy life is composed of small, frequent joyful moments, and I will embrace them all. Better still, the best is yet to come.
Perhaps I could borrow the wisdom of an athlete/coach:
“What is the favorite match of your career?”
“The next one.” 🙂