Mar 12th, 2022 Saturday Sunny
I am not a very patient person.
This can be seen from how I handle many situations in life. When I was a kid, the moment I received an interesting book, I would dig right in and disappear into the world of that book, which usually resulted in a scolding for being late for dinner 😛 I did the same thing when I entered school, but I quickly realize that it was not a good idea, because the fun of reading all the textbooks would be gone after the first day of school (and I would not get MORE textbooks to read until next semester) – I had to train myself to refrain from destroying the learning adventures of the semester too quickly. Likewise, if there is something I really want, I want to go get it NOW. If I can’t get it right away, and I can’t know when it will become available, I tend to lose interest in it, often from the unwillingness to be tormented from the constant thought “I still can’t have it. When can I have it?”
This tendency even carries into my leisure pastime. Before I start watching a new drama show, I would read the plot to decide whether this is worth watching. While I do not read the plot of each episode carefully for the fear of ruining the fun, I would definitely jump to the last episode to see the ending. If the ending does not live up to my standard, I would pass on the entire show altogether. In other words, I have trouble enjoying the process if the outcome is unsatisfactory.
If you had known me for a long time, you might find that there are obvious counter examples to this “now” tendency. I am particularly good at setting up a long-term goal and working towards it bit by bit, and eventually getting there. For example, I started learning French in 2019, and I have been able to spend some time on that every day for over two years. My goal is to be able to only communicate in French in a francophone area the next time I visit one. While I probably still have quite some distance to go, I am happy with the progress I have made so far (I managed to order some dinner at a local restaurant in Quebec without speaking English!). I also enjoy doing art projects that take many hours (my last diamond painting took 48 hours) – it is one way of relieving stress, quite important during the pandemic.
I would say these examples of seemingly my being patient in achieving a long-term goal is actually not contradictory to my impatient inclination, because I can monitor the little milestones reached along the way. As a result, even though the end is still far away, I derive the happiness from knowing that the train is on track to reach the destination, however slow it might be. Thanks to that, I can sit back and relax, and enjoy the scenery all along.
Unfortunately, there are situations in life that the outcome is not clear, and it takes time, no matter how hard we try, before the ending is unveiled. I am slowly learning to embrace the process regardless of the outcome, to live with the uncertainty, and to savor the joy when/if the happy outcome finally arrives. This is not easy.
Gardening, one of my new hobbies, seems like a perfect way to train for patience, especially in the phase of seed starting. I prepared the potting mix, read the instructions on the seed packet, buried each seed carefully, then watered all the pods and placed them in a warm spot. Then? I have to wait.
If a certain seed is supposed to sprout in 7 days, usually I can’t see any difference in the pods for the first five days or so. Is there something happening beneath the surface? Is the seed really waking up and ready to stretch? I have no idea. Unlike a computer program, there is no progress bar. And poking the soil every now and then to “check on” the seeds does NOT help.
So I wait. Until some unspecified day, a little green finally shows up. All of a sudden, the future is full of hope again.
Maybe this is a good lesson to learn in life. After all, we don’t always know the outcomes of many things ahead of time. We live through it to find out. If we only play games whose results are predetermined, we might as well not play at all.
Now the little Napa cabbage sprouts are getting bigger and stronger, and many have grown a couple of true leaves. I hope they find their new home (the bigger pots) comfortable and nourishing 🙂
It takes time. I think it is worth it, do you?